Wai-Shee Coaching

Help me find my Wai

I have arrived home

After years of dieting I had to become in tune with my body again to be able to feel my true hunger and fullness signals. I had to learn to feel what was I really craving and allow myself to have those things.

Lately I have been working on getting more present in my body. Not dissociating. Staying present during times of fear, when triggered and when stressed. My default unconsious behaviour would be to avoid the situation, exit, leave, distract myself.. as many of us do, with work, drinking, gaming, addictions etc

This week I am moving house, after 18 years of being in this house I am sad about all the memories and I cried as I did a ritual to say goodbye. As I did so, something came to me and said, it's safe to be in your body and my body is my home. I have finally arrived, and therefore no matter what physical house I live in or where in the world I am, I am always home now that I have arrived back in me.


Don't Miss The Day!

Don't miss the day

The day that all your dreams and desires were actualised

Don't miss the day 

The day that he breaths you in and looks at right you with those sparkly eyes

Don't miss the day

The day you drew on your manifestation board and visualized

The day you stand on the beach looking so surprised


the day is today! 

#bepresent #thepowerofnow #dontmisstheday #thepowerofyoumeus #BEYOU


Why you should ditch your Back-burner relationships

Why you should ditch your backburner relationships and dive ALL in.

A backburner relationship is a relationship you've had with an ex or someone you've had sexual contact with before.

You keep them (through text/a little insta/facebook stalk), even if only subconsciously through fear of being alone and to feel more secure about your options should your current relationship not work out.

Let me ask you this?

What would happen if you just went ALL in, both feet into this relationship?

Imagine you are both about to get married and both secretly keeping a backburner in your pocket?

Do you think either of your energy is really 100% into this relationship?

As you may have already discovered from my posts and content I am all about energy and spirituality.

Therefore I know you know what I mean when I say your partner will reflect to you the % of energy you commit. If you want 100% from them, but you give 60% with 40% still looking for a backup waiting for it to fail.

Its the same as when looking for a job/house..etc

Those times that you dive straight in with both feet you have no option but to make it work.

As Will Smith says "there is no plan B as it will distract me from plan A" It's scary not having a backup.

It's scary risking everything to be with one person.

But imagine if you could gain everything just by diving all in.

Have you ever dived all in?

"Hello I'm Nicola Chan...

Hello, I am Nicola Chan.

I have developed a course to help you to be happy and live your best life in your body.

YES you heard me right, in your CURRENT body, Yes I am a PT and yes that somtimes invloves people losing weight. However, losing weight never got them the love of their life, new friends, they didn't become a better person and they most definately did NOT find happiness standing on a weighing scale! Losing weight is sometimes a biproduct of eating healthy..'er' and moving your body. 

I am talking about being happier in the skin you are in, re- conditioning social contrusts of what way is the correct way to have a body and appear accepted by society. 

I am talking about changing your narative that you believe about yourself and those around you. 

I am offering you a chance to become Consious of a way of living, outside of what is considered the norm for women in western society. 

I'm talking about holding eachother up, ladies! and not being jealous of eachother, seeing eachother as a competition or labelling, gossiping or finger pointing, shaming and devaluing other women for their choices etc etc and all because we are so damn happy in ourselfs and our lives that we naturally stop judging others and just get on with our own lives. 


I'm offering you freedom! 

I'm opening a space for you to show up as your true self, unedited, unfiltered, tears, warts, snot, the lot is welcome! 

So many hats we wear as women, mother, boss, business owner, athlete, whatever.. 

i'm offering you a chance to look in the mirror naked baring all and saying, YES girl, you look amazing, you are amazing and I am OK with it all! 


SO, if you'd like me to guide you on a journey of recovery and self discovery please book a call with me today. 



In London UK, I guess Covid19 is nearly over.. in that we are 2 weeks away from the Summer holidays ending and our NEW normal life re-starting. Kids going back to school, everyone going back to work and what have we achieved since life caused us to STOP??

Have you managed to reflect and make new changes or have you been desperate for life to go back to the way it was?

My guess is, you wouldn't be here if the latter were so.. as you must be interested in change, in being awake, in living a consious life?

I think COVID19 has been a massive positive, and a reminder that when we slow down, when we have time to BE, we can check in on our hearts and actually look inside and listen to what we really want.

When in the hussle and bussle and chasing the next £(insert currency) how can we possibly see what we WANT to do over what we feel we HAVE to do?

Change is coming for me, and i'm honestly...s**t scared but I also enjoy life in the fast lane, EGO tells me to put things back to normal, EGO tells me to be safe and do what I know. BUT I'm honestly truly ready to remove my Glass ceiling and see what else is out there. 

Plus what kind of coach would I be if I facilitate you to change but I have any limits on my own growth. 

SO, my lovelies.. watch this space. A decision is pending and I will post asap xx


If you'd like to respond to this post join my FREE group https://www.facebook.com/groups/274052269409069/

I reserve the right to change..

I reserve the right to change..

As I awoke to the Patriarchy, and the lies I had been fed about what it meant to be a women. From society, from my family, from my social groups. That women should be thin, live their lives on a diet trying to be thinner or stay thin. I went through a period of mourning this old ideal, and I had to rewrite my narative about what it meant to be a women and what it meant to be me! 

Who even was I if i wasn't this though?

I lost my identity for a while, feeling like a fish swimming against the tide, desperate to fit in anywhere.

I tried on a few identities.. An alcoholic? No, i'm being extreme. Although I really want to be a part of a group, feel like I have a family.

A Sex & Love Addict? I enjoyed that one.. it's less about the Sex as you might imagine and more about relationships, the way we behave, seek attention, fantasies about relationships, control and most importantly (for me) people pleasing.  I learnt a lot in my few months of 12 step recovery. 

I even went a couple times to ACA (adult children of alcoholics) and dysfunctional families. I identified with lots of family drama there and I found a safe space to talk freely, be HEARD and also learn to LISTEN. I also got used to being SEEN.

I then went on to identify as a Bisexual. 

The thing is, non of these labels matter, who I am and what I do doesn't concern anyone but me. I may be non of these things, but I also may be all of them and at different times of my life, I get to decide how I want to identify and I reserve the right to change that at any time. 

I'm sorry if that makes you uncomfortable. BUT If it does, ask yourself why? Do you wish you could change yor identity? Do you not want to do that job anymore? Be married to that person anymore? Do you want to divorce your own parents or even your children? Do you want a different sexuality, different sex? Different hairstyle? 

OR are you happy just as you are and are you happy being the same as everyone else. This is also ok.

As a recovering people pleaser, no wonder I lost my identity so many times as I was ok changing me to suit you. Now I'm afraid, I have to suit me and that means many of you will leave............Deep Sigh....

No really, I'm ok with that.

If you don't like who I choose to be then you don't accept me as my true authentic self. Then you wern't meant to be in my life anyway. I'm not for you. I won't be for everyone.

I'd rather have people who 'love' me and 'hate' me then have everyone just 'like' me whilst I exhaust myself trying to please everyone. 

Love Alice aka Nicola. Aka whatever the f**k I want :) 

Parenting a 20 something...

I am once again feeling alone. That feeling I once had many years ago suffering an Eating Disorder, before knowing what it was and before imagining that anyone else could have possibly gone through what I was.

I mean back then I was suffering with such low self esteem I couldn't imagine anyone being such a loser as I was unable to control my own eating.

Feeling so shameful around my food and body image. Feeling so wrong, so judged, so alone..

I once again have a similar feeling, a feeling there is no 'help' on Google, no advice, no friends who understand and no family who care to listen (except my mum who will listen but is powerless to take any action just as my whole family never take action and pretend everything is alright when actually it's really not). 

Because the problem is my relationship with my 20 something.

Being an Adult woman she appears to be an adult, she talks like an adult and she lives for the most part an independent grown up life.

I'm very proud of her.

Underneath though she is subconsciously a child.

Wanting a Mum to be a Mum, not a friend or a flat mate. It sounds all simple reading as I write, I imagine it landing this way to you ..the reader, I wonder if you'll judge me too.. I struggle with her so much, not just because she looks like an adult but she has developed survival skills that allows her to live and get her needs met.

I challenge her and put her skills under threat and scrutiny. Without a challenge, (without ever being pulled up on things like being rude/disrespectful/breaking boundaries) she can manipulate anything and anyone to meet her needs.

Now there are 2 versions of the world here and I can only assume what hers is but I am the parent, the one who remembers her as a little girl.

The one who knows why things were the way they were, why we broke up with her dad for example. For me, I understand the reason she is the way she is (although it doesn't excuse her behaviour).

For her, it's all me, I am the Mother role, the one who must provide, be there at all times, allow her to take my stuff, go in my room, use things, eat my food and not wash up, do what you like and I should be grateful when you do something which would be expected if you were a friend or a flat mate ie give my stuff back, respect my privacy and help me evenly with tidying up etc.

For the mother role, all responsibilities are mine, that includes paying all the bills, cleaning all the dogs mess (or again be grateful if she is alone and forced to clean it up and it's miraculously clean when I get back, but also don't be stressed that I have to hear about it).

I need to be proud of all her achievements and listen whenever she wants to talk, but if I want her to be proud of mine or listen to me I need to wait to be asked this. I get it, I'm not a usual mum, I am the same size clothes, foot wear and style as her, we can share clothes and we can go out and be treated like friends/sisters.

I get it!

It's hard for me to differentiate sometimes, no wonder it's hard for her.

However the friend role I can no longer be, and the more she hates me, the more I know I am doing a good job. Well, my counsellor says so.. You know you are a good manager when all your staff hate you. The same goes for parenting.

She can like me again when she has grown up and moved out and maybe has a little child of her own and suddenly does what I found myself doing (only at the young age of 16!) and that's saying "FUCK, my Mum did all this.... for ME!"

Sigh...I owe that woman a medal ( and then I went and bought her flowers)

I guess we all go through that phase and I'm sorry Mum if I ever was rude or disrespectful. Lucky for you you only had me till 15.

For me I've had abuse for 8 years now and counting...What she doesn't know though is that there are thousands of 20 somethings that were in the same boat who now feel really grateful of their parents and have strong relationships.

The way she currently talks, currently I mean this week is that I have some serious problems, I basically abuse her and I make her blood boil, oh and I try to gain Power over her.

Poor girl. I'd give her a shoulder to cry on with a Nasty Mum like that.. come ere! ;(

Well, to be honest, she feels that way because I was a somewhat Passive Mum, I didn't have any self worth, esteem or any parenting skills having only been an adult for 11 years (i mean the full brain developing at age 25, prefrontal cortex and all) so she's had 10 years of her life with a child Mum just doing her Damn best, with whatever she could at the time.

Without a supportive husband and without a biological Dad to share any parenting load.

This Young Mumma did it all on her own.

For now I have to bite the bullet, take all the hits, be a door man. (i say door man as my partner gave me a wonderful analogy of physically dodging bottles when he used to work the door and I have to metaphorically dodge bottles from her every time we encounter each other for more than 5 minutes it would seem.

Walk away and take deep breaths, leave the house or just simply take it and try to open up a dialogue.. (to which I infuriate her because I'm apparently making her feel like a client, perhaps she'd rather me go back to shouting which she accuses me of)OK, i'm getting side tracked here.. My point is, I'm out here all alone. The MOTHER punching bag full of emotions, because I love that girl SO fucking much it hurts like I imagine Death does,  or maybe life did hurt when I had her.. that's how much she still hurts me now.

1 they start by ripping open your Vagina and then for 25+ years thereafter they rip open your heart (good and bad), treat you like a human machine, first a milking machine,then a maid, a landlady, and finally a punching bag, or all of the above  plus more.. feel free to add your own (HERE)

So what I realy want to say to you and to myself mainly is keep up the good work.

Because no one else is going to tell you this, you are going to feel like a failure, a bad mum and you will most likely be told this  by your 20 something too.

You Got This! I Got This!

Keep setting those boundaries, keep being assertive and not allowing abuse or disrespect but yes let her have some child privileges, let her abuse your privacy, space, time, money, that's parenting.. let her think I'm an asshole and if needs be go and cry into a pillow so she never sees how much she hurts me. Keep up the good work because the hard way is the ONLY way and she will become an amazing woman and guess what, she'll think she did it all on her own, and that's when you/I'll know we did good Mummy dear.  

The Chameleon

As I find myself dressed in bright Orange attire ready for another random job with an event company I do agency work for, I feel like a Chameleon.

A Chameleon, not only a type of Reptile but also a Marval Comics Character well known for disguising himself as different characters and fooling others by impersonating.

In the various jobs I do I can easily be whoever you want me to be. I enjoy being the Chameleon, adapting to suit my environment and 'people pleasing' to get the desired result. 

Deep down I know who I am, regardless of what Hat I wear. 

This has taken a long time to get to know myself and learning to accept and love all parts of me, means accepting and loving my Chameleon too.  

I love my Chameleon because she has been my survival technique since I was a child. 

I learnt pretty young that it wasn't safe to be me, to voice my opinion, to be wild, be different, to have my own beliefs. So I people pleased and adapted, became what you wanted, society, family, my environment to fit in, look the same, be like everyone else and be liked by everyone else. To be out of the pack would mean death, so I learnt how to adapt to differnt people and places but found myself feeling really lost about who I was underneth the Chamelon disguise. 

Are you a 'YES' person, do people not listen when you say 'NO'. Do you even mean 'NO'? Do you even know what you want? Or do you find yourself wanting what others want. If they are happy then i'll be happy? 

This was me.. 

I'm still working on this stuff. The project of 'self' is a never ending journey but I just wanted to share, sitting here in my bright orange hoody how I can happily smile for you today and know that I am good inside. 


Alice Noir - The day it all turns Black

Can you see the mysterious dark, hooded charactor behind Alice?

This image taken from my latest Burlesque performance was my way of releasing Shame, Guilt and Suppression. 

By showing up in this act I was speaking up for all of the women who can't. For women who's Shame stops them from speaking, stops them from saying 'No'' and keeps them trapped in a Shame cycle to which they feel unworthy of getting out of. 

I want to tell you, it's not your fault, you are worthy of love and you can heal yourself, love yourself and stand up for yourself. 

Alice is bound by chains that are so heavy she fights to stand up. 

She removes the chains and becomes the FREE empowered Godess that she was born to be. 


Performing next at Wicked Wonderland August 21st London UK

Backstage The White Circus Florence

I love this picture as it represents Pre-stage connection. A powerful moment of calm before the excitement. New performers and experienced performers, all equal, non judging, holding each other up, sharing space for each other to become our best selves. Each of us on our own journey with an individual story to tell. This picture fills me with love. What spaces and people do you connect with to hold you up, keep you accountable and to hold hands with in moments of utter nerves/anxiety/depression. Who can you lean on? If no one, reach out in this group. You are not alone. www.findmywai.com


I just want to stay here, for it hurts too much to move, I know they’re watching out there, will they disapprove?

I am lying in foetal position weighed down by these chains, chains of guilt and shame, do you think I am to blame?

The song plays in the background “this life is a dream, it will be over in the blink of an eye, remember who you are, remember what you are”

ALICE, look up, ALICE get up the audience awaits

They want to see you rise up, remove those chains and weight.

Shadows and shapes of faces unrecognisable, We may talk different languages but I think you are challengeable.

She continues to sing “who’s life is this, who’s hands are these, who’s voice is this? What am I”?

You see my vulnerability, I remove my victim clothes, I feel dirty and disgusted that I didn’t fight, I froze.

You see the truth of this act on my body, wait patiently and curious..

These clothes come off, my body is labelled in words so dark and glorious.

“this life is beautiful” “this life is horrible”

The beat comes in and I begin to rise strong, Baring all like this feels right, like the words to this song.

It’s time for My final reveal, My body uncovering

OMKARA sing along, Liberation from suffering.



I started coaching years ago to help people who needed help with their body image and eating issues as this is the journey I took and how I became a coach. As I put to bed these issues myself my life moved on and I started living. I entered a new relationship and I start attracting clients who like me were navigating the highs and lows of relationships. I started #thepowerofus page on Instagram yo document our journey as we are learning about eachother and about what we want in life. Most people wait till they are qualified, finished, perfect before they share stuff on SM. I wanted to share the unfinished picture. The messy bits. 

Having left my marriage of 16 years I decided I needed to look at this part of my life. Relationships are the foundations of who we are. If we are not right in our marriage, in our families then we don't feel whole inside and we go out into the world with negativity...and some falseness. I believe. 


I believe if I am not concious in my relationship. If it's not broken so don't fix it kind of thinking, I can easily ignore it and think that I am not ignoring other areas of my life.

But "how you do anything is how you do everything"

Are you a half job person..? A sweep it under the carpet and no-one will know person? A oh I dropped that I'll pick it up later person?

I think I was.. I started to ignore other areas of my life too, like my home. I started getting sloppy, lazy if you like.

Now things seem harder, because life is hard when you don't settle for average. When you want something brilliant you have to work hard to get it, AND keep it!

And let me tell you this relationship is f**king brilliant!

We are bonkers, we argue s**t loads but we love like i've never loved before. We look after eachother and we give uncnditionally. We coach eachother and we thrive in eachothers successes...together!  


I f**king love us, the power of US. What can be achieved when we have these foundations. 

Yes we have a bumpy ride ahead but seat belts on and Let's Do This!


From helping you to find your voice to finding my own...

Unapologetically Me............

Hi I’m Nicola Chan and I interview people on the radio (91.8 Hayes fm) so that they can share their stories to help people listening at home. I've always been inspired to do this. I've always been inspired by a story myself because stories, interviews and books have helped me in the past to know that I am not alone. When you feel like you are the only one, hearing someone else’s story, how they suffered like you are suffering, how they overcame it, can really give you hope. Hearing someone else’s voice speak the words only you know in your head, the comfort is unimaginable. Imagine not being able to express yourself, having your voice taken, not being your true self, in-authentic. Always changing how you look to meet the approval of others, always checking how you speak, it is landing well, is it eloquent enough, am I being judged for my opinions am I worthy to speak at all. This is SUPRESSION. Not being able to ask for what you need, not feeling worthy of fullfillment. Being a pleaser, doing for others, to the detriment of your own health. Serving others, satisfying others, checking if their needs are being met above your own. I thought this was love. I also thought it was parenting. As much as I’ve done this to myself, It has been done to me. Or I subconsciously allowed this into my life. Either way, the truth is, I have felt Suppression for most of my life. I have been the little Mermaid, my voice stolen and my true authenticity and identity stolen too. I facilitate others to share their stories to help you. Today, I share my story to help me. I am 0-7 years old and my values and beliefs are engraved into my core. I am 3 years old and my dad breaks down the front door, I am careless and reckless and I make my dad angry as I learn, He hurts my mum in front of me and I wonder one day will it be my turn. I struggle to understand my family are mixed race, I agree with the bullies I have an ugly Chinese face. My Chinese family’s way of communicating are let’s say somewhat. Unique, I have no confidence with them, so I get my sister to speak. She literally speaks for me as I whisper in her ear. If they speak to me directly I cower behind her in fear. I learn that love is tough, violent and cruel. I was told I was too skinny by a boy I fancied in school. I long to be like my sister, she has confidence and friends As I grow and learn this stuff, it becomes the filters to my lens. The world I now see is dangerous and everyone is against me. I then suffer in the hands of a violent man, he sexually abuses and rapes me. I now lose my voice completely, I am worthless in this life. With this I seek unkind men who treat me like a domestically abused wife. To save me, I need someone to love me, I am now a pregnant Child. As I hold the love of my life in my arms, she looks at me and smiled. For the next few years she saved me but suffered with me emotional turmoil. I can’t communicate in relationships, her dad makes my blood boil. I drink, like they drank, like we all drink to ease the pain. I have depression, anxiety now and counselling but again, I am suppressed, I have global hysterics I can’t breathe and I can’t talk. I finally gain the strength to leave and with my Daughter we walk… To avoid my emotions once again, I turn into a pleaser, this is but yet just chapter 1, and stay with me here’s your teaser….. Chapter 2 I’m 23 and I marry a stable man who loves me. He loves me, he calms me for this stage in my life we were definitely meant to be. He’s soft to me, almost feminine and he allows me to grow. He supports me through the next stage where my Eating Disorder leads me to a Body Building Show. We spend 16 years together but what you reap you will sow. We build houses on no foundations and I eventually must go. Chapter 3, I’m in my 30’s and I am spiritually awake. I leave my husband and I change my life for the better for Goodness sake! My family don’t understand me and again I can’t speak up. How can they ever truly know how deep the rabbit hole goes? Hey listen this is a rhyme and if you are still with me thank you I hear how depressing it sounds but really this is true… Ladies, my tale is not dissimilar to yours I’m sure, we must stand strong and know ourselves and be confident and hold your breath because there’s more.… Since my eyes were awoken to the fact that Body Image is all an illusion. it’s all a big fucking society lie. Now let me clear up some confusion. From a young age, I was taught that women were less than men, from teenage years my attacker showed me men do as they please with women. That our bodies are there for their enjoyment and we don’t have a say. Then society and media said you are fat and ugly they still do to this day! Women, we are good enough, unchanged, imperfect and without your approval. Love yourself in your own skin, tell Instagram hump days to fuck off, now, removal removal, removal... Previously I woke up a victim to the above Gory. Today I wake up empowered, in my own shoes and own my fucking story. I cannot be judged anymore, because I don’t judge myself. I don’t hate my body, I don’t feel unworthy of love and I take care of my own health. In forgiving myself and letting things be, I surrendered to the Universe and I became unapologetically me!

Do you do your job for money or love?

So I've been asked to be a guest blogger over on fellow Snapchatter Karen @blissbakery blog site. It's all about love for the month of Feb. (Yankedoodlepaddy) When I think about LOVE as many of us do, I think about relationships first. Intimacy, sexual love and then I think about family love and my relationship with my daughter. We are two firey passionate woman (shes now 20) and we have a strong but unstable relationship. *I'm working on this... all things can't be solved at once. I then think to my body and how much I love my body esp after all the years I've hated her. The once destructive relationship I had with her i was able to forgive her and her me and we are now at peace and balance and acceptance. Next I think about my job.. I teach fitness and I coach people in a nut shell. But really....what I do is facilitate change so that people can find love, be in love and accept love which = happiness. Ask anyone the 7 layers deep question of "WHY" and the highest positive intention of why they do what they do is to find HAPPINESS! I.e. why do you want to lose weight, or run that marathon, or get that job... layers and layers of EGO, so I look good, so I am worthy, so I can be somebody etc.... keep asking why and the final answer is = happiness. Being a facilitator of love and happiness fills me with joy! I wake up excited in the morning for my day. I am grateful for yesterday and I look forward to tomorrow. During the sessions PT/class or coaching. In am in flow. I am present. I am there for my people/client/members.. I do it with love. I am the 'prosperus coach' (a very good book 1 of my fav's if you haven't read it) However one thing is missing.... The prosperity in terms of money... Show me the Money! money = energy I'm going to be honest here because there's a reason I am not a money coach. There is a reason I won't tell you my 7 steps to get rich or get more clients. Because I am on that journey myself. All coaches are on journeys we need coaches too. I can help you with relationships, attracting a partner, lover, learning to love your body, letting go of the past, overcoming eating issues etc etc I am confident and competent. I have served many clients this way and I am good at what I do. On each of our journeys we have lessons to learn. Whenever you hit a bump in the road. Be grateful. It's a lesson you need to learn at the level you are at so you can reach the next level. I am about to be catapulted to the next level, I am in an elastic band and in order to accelerate forward I am being pulled back to clear up something I didn't learn, some limiting beliefs and blocks I have around the subject of money (stay with me, on the edge of your seat just as I am in this elastic band. Can you feel the excitement? Anticipation?.. I can!) I am so grateful about this place I'm in and I'm enjoying these lessons and now I can ask for the money, "show me the money" Like literally universe.... "show me the money" Money is energy and law of reciprocity means when you give energy you revieve energy in exchange. If you receive a gift you feel indebted until you reciprocate. It even goes as far as when you get a voice note... you reciprocate with a voice note (go on, try it...I dare you.. you'll see). So I am continuing to give love and Energy and I now I understand that I deserve money, that I am worthy and with money I can serve mode people. I am in positive vibration for money. Now...i let go! Ive done the work. I let go of the outcome. I trust the Universe and now i fly through the air from this force of elastic resistance change of direction. I am going forward with almighty force.... See you on the other side With love.. xxxx

."Dear body. We've had a strained relationship. I've hated you, I've punished you, I've deprived you of food, I've stuffed you with food or poisoned you with Alcohol. I've been on self destruct mode hurting you everytime someone hurts me as a coping mechanism.. i've even hurt you myself internationally. My bruises are a status symbol of how much in can endure. I appreciated you only when I've been pregnant as I've been the Devine feminine that I am inside. Outside of this I've been in Masculine...go hard or go home. Don't be a pussy, suck it up, push harder, get stronger, go go GO!! Militant mode. Uuggghh I even think I enjoy those things as I type them.. this is going to be harder than I think. (Hense why I am writing this) Ok so Body what I really want to say is, I'm sorry. I love you and you are beautiful just as you are. I have been training my Ego not training You and I'm going to stop. I'm going to let go and surrender to what you can currently do in the gym. I am going to be grateful for your skills, endurance and fitness! I will give up the strength training (or what I called "My" training, as if my classes aren't also training my body) I will sacrifice my pride if my clients can lift more than I can. I'm the one who can't walk down the stairs forward facing like a normal human being! There's no point lifting heavy if i can't do life. Gym was meant to aid a better life, not fuel an Ego, score points, get admiration and then go home and can't even walk! I'm sorry body, can we make peace. Can I take care of you and lose the care about what other people are doing with their bodies..I need you to last a lifetime. Please forgive me. I love you"

It's already on it's way..

My shoulders are full of tension and my mind swirling like a washing machine. The moment I disconnect from distractions my emotions burst into the screen. Nothing makes any sense as I convers ate my way through all of the options. Listing, Ordering, Pro’ing and Con’ing. My ideas like a running Spider diagram, am I really back at this place wondering who I am? I’m eternally falling down the rabbit hole now I know the real world isn’t real, I consider myself conscious Alice, so why do I still numb how I feel? Maybe it’s not a problem, maybe that’s just how everyone else lives their lives. But I need to be able to sit in silence, block out the noise, be comfortable in the blackness when I close my eyes. Then really falling down the rabbit hole was just one level of awakening most don’t even take. And I’m now looking for the next level with urgency like “I’m late”, “I’m late”, “I’m late”!’ There never was a rush to be here I can connect the dots looking back. I can see each lesson and learning and realise I was never really in lack. So, If my life is abundant and I know all I ever needed to know, I don’t have to hurry for Fear of Missing Out and I can just watch as one dot runs the show. One dot, in a time line of dots attracted to eachother without rush, trying or force. I am in the right place, taking inspired action and surrendering to the Universe. AND I forgive myself, I forgive myself for falling asleep at the wheel, for failing to think. For forgetting it all and relaxing into my next drink. I am tempted by wanting more, I am curious Alice ready to explore I find contentment in very few ways, Maybe my kind of meditation is to write like back in the old days.. So you see as I write the answers spill out from this pen, if I want to be healed, If I want a cure.. The answer is to be content with LESS, and stop seeking MORE. Spend no money, use the resources I already have, save up, dream don’t DO, if you allow it will come to you, Stay in the NOW and remember the “Just for today….” And in doing so, the life you dream of is already on it’s way. It’s already on it’s way.

For my Teenage Mums

Labelled a teen Mum

When given the Label of a "Teen Mum" what do you get is a casting of judgements about what type of a Mum you'll be, almost from the very get go, You are deemed a failure, you'll never amount to anything, you'll never have a job, you'll always rely on benefits, you'll never be a someone. You'll probably have more and more kids, you'll lose all your friends, your partner will leave and you will end up a single mum. When labelled a "Mum" you are expected to perform a certain job, that job is graded on how you compare to other mums, which mum holds it together best, which mum has the tidiest house, which mum holds down a job but is also there to pick up her kids on time, does all the home work and afterschool activities, makes dinners, has friends over, drives her kids to activities or friends house. Is basically on call for daily pursuits, on call for daily emotions and on call for daily abuse if her kid decides to take out their frustration on the world on their nearest and dearest person. This mum also has to be well groomed, not embarrassing to kids friends, a good wife and not have any activities of her own. She cries in the shower so no-one sees her emotions and he is on the surface a Super Woman. The more labels we allow ourselves to be consumed by, the harder we try to not be like or be like what we think people expect of us. What our kids expect of us. For me I tried to not be the "Teen Mum" and I desperately wanted to be the "Super Mum". However the more I worked, the less I saw my daughter, the busier I got, the less she liked me. Maybe I wasn't meant to be liked by her at all, maybe I was meant to be a regimented Mum, who demanded respect and Army styled our way through disciplining the high school years. But each Mum is different, just like each child is different, so what works for 1 child doesn't work for another. people are different. I wanted to be an open and honest family, one where we can talk about anything.. The thing to remember here is that we are all people, no matter the label, we don't get to abuse someone just because they are our "Mum". We don't get to use someone because it's our right to because we are their flesh and blood. What we get to do is choose how we behave. We need to respect people, respect ourselves and set boundaries on what is acceptable and what isn't. I discovered the true meaning to "Blood is thicker than water" the other day.. blood spilled by men in battle is thicker than the water in the womb. i.e just because someone is your flesh and blood does not give them a stronger bond with you than someone you met and went to war with. Most likely that soldier will work harder for your love and respect to and not see it as a given. It's hard to understand our parents until we are one. It's hard to see how much they love our siblings they must have also loved us that way, it's hard to admit when you are wrong and to apologies. BUT life is hard. Every day we get another opportunity to do the right thing. Not every post has a happy ending my friends, no one is having a perfect life. Being aware, learning and growing is what Personal Development is about. Doing the best you can with the resources you have/d at the time. That's OK.



Discipline. You may think it's easier for someone to be disciplined in fitness if they were bought up doing martial arts? May be so.. But if you are disciplined in fitness you can use the same strategy to be disciplined with your money/time/housework/studies etc Most of us have problems we talk about as if it effects our whole life's, it becomes out identity. Ie I am not organised I'm never motivated I am not disciplined Etc etc When in actual fact our problems we don't necessarily 'DO' ALL the time. Just some of the time. And if we know how to do it some of the time, we can elicit the same strategy to do it all of the time. Or at least with the areas we want to use it.

I like big butts and I cannot lie....

Butts 🍑 Apparently Wednesday is national hump day so in light of this, here's a cheeky 😉post about Mindset. How many times have you heard yourself saying "I want to go for that job BUT I'm not good ebough"? "I want to ask her out, BUT I'm sure she's far too busy"? "I would like to dye my hair pink BUT I'm just not brave enough" All of these BUT's keeping us from what we want to achieve. So today, be aware of your cheeky but's and swap them for words like 'AND', 'BECAUSE'. Choose your words, choose your life. After all it's yours no body else's. Have a fantastic hump day 🍑

The night time cool air....

The night time cool air hits my skin like a flood of emotion. I sit by the open window looking at the night sky. I breath in fresh air and feel contentment about the choices I've made since I was last here. I can still see me and Jason (a fellow student of NLP master practitioners course) doing bear crawls over the freezing grass in the snow. Hearing distant laughs and pants of exhaustion. Remembering puffs of smoke leaving our mouths as the cold air hit our enthusiastic lungs. I can still envision the old curious me in love with her husband and wondering where this journey will take us..take me. I came here on a mission to find myself. To help myself and to help others. Unconscious about my own problems that needed attention. The path of least resistance is to assume we are ok and help everyone else. I thought I was here to become a coach. Until my master trainer told me, help yourself first. Be the client. Experience the therapy and then see where you'll be. I never understood this but just like mr miagi tells Daniel son to wax on and wax off, he also doesn't see the bigger picture. You only see when you are ready to see and when the student is ready the teacher appears. All of these quotes previously seen but not heard like an old book read for the second time. The meaning the first time was lost. The second time up The penny drops. The people here changed my life, the lessons I learnt from them and the connection we experienced are indescribable. They are my NLP family. This home away from home I literally came here and shut the world away. I turned off my phone like I often did when I was away from my husband. Yearning for freedom and expression and passion and excitement. I seeked so much out of life but life was mediocre. I knew there was more out there I could feel it. I often sat at Windows, staring at the sky. standing in the sea looking out, running around the forest..running away knowing the trees where my friends. The only ones who knew my true emotions. Trapped, challenged and unconcious. Everyone on my course changed together, I wrote down all of the books they recommended, followed all of the spiritual leaders and over the year I continued my journey by researching each and every one of those bits of information. I had no idea that change would be so good. I feared change and I feared being alone. Until one day I felt strong enough to love myself for myself and to be by myself and I asked for a divorce. I booked myself a Burlesque course to piece together my body image puzzle and show myself I am ok. I am alright. I am feminine and sexy AND it has nothing to do with a man. A man once stole my identity along with my femininity, and left me with shame and guilt about being myself as if I was wrong, broken and undeserving. It was time to take back my power. When I wasn't even looking for him I met the man of my dreams who makes me feel like a Goddess. A man who has every quality i would ever wish for in a partner. Strong yet vulnerable. Masculine, successful, creative, spiritual, whole, authentic, intelligent, Genuine, caring and kind. And most of all funny, crazy and just as much a weirdo as I am! He stayed here too with me on my next course and we told eachother we loved eachother. I've never shared anywhere meaningful to me with anyone. I haven't wanted too. I like being a loner, I like my own company and if I ever felt chained down, controlled or unfree I'd rebel. This time I'm the perfect balance of free and connected all at once. I want to share everything with him. Including letting down my barriers and letting love in. I'm feeling reflective as I lie here, (now on the bed) And I wonder what will come of this next journey, becoming a hypnotherapist and in 2 days performing in my first UK burlesque show troupe. But I know the possibilities are endless. This work/therapy/coaching is powerful and gives you the tools to change your life. I have unlimited self belief that I have the power to achieve anything I want now. I know it's true. I can be anything I want to be! I didn't even know I was lost and coaching helped me find my wai. Let me facilitate you find yours. Www.findmywai.com

This year of the dog was all about change

2018 the year of the dog on the Chinese calendar 

It's my year this year as I was born in 1982 which means it's my prosperous and creative year of change. The time to take Action and start having fun in life. 


2 years ago after my friend and co-host of the tv series fithappens died of cancer I was reminded how quickly life can vanish and it gave me some urgency on my own life. One of the things Keith taught me was to 'live life to the fullest' and so I began my Personal Development journey. 


"If you don't go within, you go without" 


Once I trained up as an NLP coach and started coaching clients I was very aware that the clients that sat in front of me reflected my own 'shadows'. It is so true that the world always gives us a mirror to see ourselves.


In my mirror was negative unfullfilling  relationships, and an unhappy marriage.


A year later, I completed my Master practitioner course which includes my own Time Line Therapy and I went through a lot of healing and growth.


I left feeling like a changed woman. Fearless. Not bound by the confides of my own mind..a deep understanding that my limitations were not real and that I really could create a magical fullfuilling and refreshing life! 


I love that word.. 'refreshing'. 


I challenged my old belief system including how I felt about Marriage, what I really valued and believed in (not what I was led to believe by society and my upbringing) and I put pen to blank paper to write my next chapter. 


My next chapter involved the break up of my marriage, if not now, then when?. There is only NOW. My life was waiting for me. As soon as I had the courage to break up this relationship law of attraction bought someone new into my life and I fell in love with a man who I now share a deep concsious relationship. 


The rest of the year so far has been about nourishing my foundations, clearing up and redecorating my home. It now feels like a home. And embracing my feminine "surrendering" energy. Allowing life to...just be. Acceptance, forgiveness (as you can imagine a family break up is difficult for the whole family and extended family). I've learnt a lot of lessons the hard way. I also have compassion and learnt how to give unconditional love. 


Now my foundation, my roots are growing nicely I can embrace my Masculine energy and get back to writing, speaking and studying as the journey continues....... 


This year of the dog, I most definitely found my Wai.


Will you be open to having some help to help you find yours? 


With love Nicola x

Does your decision feel light or heavy?

Does your decision feel light or heavy? I have felt guilt about letting go of my relationship especially because i thought it would last forever. I have felt like a failure. I failed at marriage...marriage is for life I thought. I once believed in something which I no longer do. I changed. I have been judged by people who looked at the picture perfect marriage but didn't see the cracks in that picture. People who think you can just work through anything. However you can't change other people, you can only change yourself. Making the decision to leave is never easy, it actually takes courage, strength and respect for yourself and your partner. Feeling all those fears above and doing it anyway. Many stay in that relationship just because of these fears and because of the fear of being alone. Fears of finances, hassle of splitting possessions, organising childcare etc etc... so many 'convenient' reasons to stay but non of them love or respect. For me the fact that I was in indecision meant I'd already made a decision but I'd not taken action. Listening to my intuition, my body yearned for freedom. I valued freedom over security. Suddenly my whole life felt insecure. But, Having a marriage, having a job, a house. Non of these things really make us secure. We can't rely on materials and we cant rely on other people to make us feel secure. The definition of feeling insecure means we feel vulnerable and inferior. To feel secure we need to feel safe and protected. I believe we can find this through unconditional self love. Surrender and trust. Trust myself that if I end up alone, I'll be ok. If I end up lost, I'll find my way... Today I have freedom. Freedom of choice, freedom to choose to stick around those people who judged me or to find new people. Freedom to express myself. Freedom to feel the fear and choose to do it anyway. Freedom to be myself. Freedom to eat in a way I think fuels my body and my soul Freedom to dance stupidly in the kitchen to cheesy music. Freedom to stay up in the night when i cant sleep and make deep emotionally charged posts such as this. There are no rules. I get to decide. Does this 'thing' feel heavy or light? Enjoy tuning in because you have all the answers Even as a coach I merely facilitate you to find your own WAI